By Rachel Brown
When Murray County High School junior Tyler Long committed suicide last month, Mary Smith received a call for advice from a social worker at the school.
Smith, a social worker with the Dalton-based Family Support Council, is involved in suicide prevention programs as well as programs that address bullying in the schools. She said the social worker contacted her for support.
Long hanged himself in his bedroom on Oct. 17, but the 17-year-old’s parents say the sense of helplessness that led him to end his life originated when he began being bullied in middle school. David and Tina Long say teachers and administrators often told them that the accused bully “didn’t mean it that way” when they complained, or told them that they couldn’t address the problem without the bully’s name. Tyler had Asperger’s syndrome, a mild form of autism, and was often unable to identify his attackers by name, his parents said.
Smith didn’t comment on Long’s situation, but she did say it’s imperative for adults to listen and take it seriously when children are being bullied.
“If a child says, ‘I was just kidding,’ it’s not kidding,” Smith said. “This is not kidding. It’s not a joke. It hurts somebody else.”
Smith said the Family Support Council performs a Kids on the Block puppet show to educate children about bullying. The program used to be performed at MCHS, she said, but the council hasn’t been asked to do it in several years.
Cinder Sims-Verheyen, a social worker assigned to several Whitfield County Schools, said bullying is “pretty widespread” among children. Dealing with it can be complicated for teachers and administrators, she said.
“The kids don’t always tell us, and that’s really hard because bullying can be very discreet and subtle, and we don’t always see it,” she said. “... I think in all cases of bullying, if we know that it’s going on, the administration can tell the staff, ‘We need to be on top of this. We need to watch this.’”
Sims-Verheyen said school officials this fall have been discussing bringing in a trainer for research-based bullying prevention programs.
“I think the most important thing is that for every school, everyone needs to be educated about this and be on the same page as far as how we are going to address this as a school,” she said.
Dalton resident Helen McIntosh, author of several books and articles on dealing with violence, said people should understand there’s more to bullying than pushing, shoving and hitting. Teasing, taunting and eye-rolling are often even more devastating, she said.
“The state laws make it sound like it’s just the physical ... that that’s the extent of bullying,” she said. “So many people and legislators think it’s the big things.”
McIntosh worked for 17 years in the Dalton Public Schools system, 12 as a counselor at Roan Elementary School. Through one of her books, “Eric, Jose and The Peace Rug,” McIntosh advocates children solving bullying problems by approaching the bully in a non-confrontational manner and asking to speak with the person without placing blame.
“I have never seen (the bully refuse to talk) in all my years of counseling,” she said. “The bully is a bully because he’s gotten picked on ... The bully was once a victim of bullying himself or herself and (it) didn’t get resolved, and so (he or she) started being the ultimate bully themselves. So the bully is always wanting a relationship.”
McIntosh said several of her former students have told her the technique worked well for them as they grew into their teens, and it made them feel more empowered because they didn’t need an adult to resolve the conflict for them.
